kuanshih_yin on Xanga

Weblog

Wednesday, 20 May 2009

Thank you all for your support and insights. As I have worked hard to not attract toxic people and certainly not to keep any in my field of energy longer than need be, I am going to listen to the sound advice given by all of you. I will not be responding to these questions or comments and I will be removing any of Frank's friends from my facebook list. When I initially set up my facebook account, I suppose I did not set it properly and anyone could come on - because I never "accepted" Frank as a "friend" - nor did I know he deleted me as such. However, I will be deleting a few people this evening to avoid mere association. At 4 AM when I hit my yoga mat this mornning to breathe in all that is good and breathe out all that is not; I was reminded just how wonderful it is that my day gets to begin that way - as well as end that way. This is not be accident, but by design.

It's amazing to me that I can work with high school students all day - wake up at a ridiculous hour - go to graduate school full-time - and not be wiped out. Yet find the most exhausting experience is when hate enters my universe in any form; whether within or without. Yes, we must protect ourselves from such energy as it enjoys taking from our true source...leaving us depleted. You are all truly wonderful and right on with this one.
Sleep well
namaste,
maryanne

Tuesday, 19 May 2009

Some people never tire of kicking the dog...

Today on facebook, I received a private message from an old friend of my ex-husband Frank. This friend, Brad, wanted to let me know how difficult it is for Frank that my children are acting as though they want nothing to do with him. Below is Brad's actual message:
Hey Maryanne, Frank tells me your kids really want nothing to do with him.
As a father,I can tell you it is killing Frank.
Anything you can do to help? He's paid for what he did. Everyone deserves a second chance. I am sure you will agree right.

Anyway, I was very disturbed by Brad's message as he really does not know me, Frank, my children and/or the circumstances. I decided that it would be best to not respond at all as clearly this guy is clueless. It is not about me giving Frank a second chance (which happened in 1987, 1989, 1990, etc...) it's about the children - who are adults now and their personal relationship with their biological father. Francesca is now 22 & Giuls 19 (20 in October). They are two young adults with very profound & strong feelings about life and their "father."

Francesca met with him once since he has been out of prison, along with her little sisters. She didn't like the experience - felt he hadn't changed a bit - and was furious when he sent her a text message for her birthday.

Giuls feels like the quality of his life is just better with his father not in it. He feels his father was a very deceitful person who never truly gave to them from his heart - but merely out of convenience...when he could get something in return.

I was always really surprised by Giuliano's standoffishness after Frank's release (or even when he was away) - and yet, this relationship comes with such a huge price to Giuls...it cost him a piece of his childhood. Instead of playing ball and going to friends' houses - he went to his father's house & frequently worried about him as he had a serious addiction.

Actually, I am going to stop right there. What I am doing is trying to justify why my children do not want to speak to a man who neglected them, was verbally abusive and destructful. I am also doing it as after reading Brad's message over & over again - I decided to visit his wall - wondering: What made Brad write such a thing to me? And there it was. A message from Frank on Brad's wall that clarified everything. Well, almost everything.

Frank Alexander Brad, I deleted Maryanne as a friend. I'm tired of her and our children. She's not all there, and anybody who knows the real Mare should know that! My children are polluted/tainted against me & she has her hand/mouth & stories in it. I wish things were different, but she is the wolf in sheeps clothing and has everybody convinced. Except her parents. Her father knows her for who she really is and her high school friends.

So, as tears trickled down my eyes reading his words, I could not understand why this man never tires of kicking the dog - and why is the dog always me? Am I that convenient a target? How many ex-wives would take 5 hours out of their day to visit their ex-husband in prison? My children are no longer children. They are young adults. Thankfully, young adults who stand up for who they are & what they believe in - even when I don't agree with them. That is called being autonomous...the single most important job as a parent is to raise your children to be autonomous. Check - that one's done. Yet, why do I feel so terrible. I have not done anything to harm him - ever. His tweat on Brad's facebook is blatantly malicious. How easy to kick the dog when the dog is sleeping.

As it stands, I have not responded to Brad's question nor Franks comment...nor will I as it is moot.

I'm going to have some tea & read more David Sedaris as I feel a tad drained and who doesn't enjoy David Sedaris?

Have a peaceful evening & thank you for letting me vent.
namaste

Sunday, 17 May 2009

ponderablenesses

I was reminded by a friend today of the power of words. As educators, one of our most powerful responsibilities is to support the dreams of our young people. Sometimes it takes more than just support - at times we have to help craft the dream and guide them. Minimally, we must see hope in each of their faces and hearts

Tuesday, 22 April 2008

I'm bringing Xanga back - drop a comment if you're with me!

Friday, 19 August 2005

Quaint or Just Plain Old?

Last week I arrived to teach class & found this. Part of my ceiling had fallen in apparently due to slates laying on the drywall. Several years ago, the old slate roof was replaced with a shingle roof. Apparently, the roofers weren't terribly careful with how they removed the slates & when "some" of the slates fell inside the roof & landed on top of the drywall, they just ignored it and continued laying the rest of the roof.

Approximately 30 slates fell inside & on Buddha. These picture don't look nearly as bad as the studio truly did. When the ceiling fell, the slates & debris had a mushroom effect & covered the entire studio with 3 inches of dirt. Everything had to be handwashed & wiped down - 50 mexican blankets, 30 blocks, all the yoga straps, bolsters & sandbags - it was a mess. Luckily, this occured during the night & no one was injures. Currently, I am trying to get my landlord to inspect the rest of the ceiling by drilling small holes every few feet to check if there are other areas of the ceiling that have slates laying inside. They are not seeing the potential hazard the way I do - but I'm thinking that most people come to yoga for health & spiritual growth - not to be killed by falling slate.

Another Day ~ Another Down Dog.

Namaste

Currently Listening
Music for Yoga and Other Joys
By Jai Uttal, Ben Leinbach
see related